You know how you have a good idea sometimes? That’s so good and you know isn’t intended at anyone maliciously (faux or otherwise) except one person and that’s kind of ok because you throw crap at each other all the time and it’s just funny and you’ve run it by them a month ago and yes, they think it’s funny too to the point where they’re requesting a whole chapter on the phenomenon that is them and it’s not like you’re naming them in any case and it’s coming from you for heaven’s sake (and who takes what you have to say seriously? I’ve seen and heard me before now and I certainly don’t…) so what’s the big brouhaha ever about?

Yeah, that.

Said idea might possibly have gone the teeniest bit awry… You know the real problem with the deliberate use of anonymity? I didn’t until Saturday, so I’ll tell you: people that something isn’t about might think that that something is about them. Not (with blessed, glorious hindsight) that unreasonably. And without that much of a leap involved. Which this author should definitely have bloody spotted. Erm – ‘Oops’?

It’s one of those things that with the benefit of hindsight seems obvious like ‘don’t put real spiders in your arachnophobic friend’s birthday card just because you’ve learnt what flooding behavioural therapy is’ or ‘don’t watch Godfrey Reggio’s ‘Qatsi’ trilogy stoned’ (really don’t do that – the nightmares aren’t worth it…) What I’m saying is I’m the type who invariably will need telling. Please don’t assume ‘Yeah – he’ll get that’. Because past experience suggests I definitely won’t. Putting my freedom of speech high horse out to pasture for a moment, I can only apologise if I caused someone upset where only laughter (always laughter) was ever intended. To this end, I will be trying to ensure all rants (however cathartic and caught up in them I may be) do not harm an individual who is not the object of them (unless it’s Jeremy Clarkson, and I still can’t believe I’ve had to defend him this week; I just feel… wrong).

As such, please continue to call me on things if you think I’ve gotten something wrong (factually, editorially, cataclysmically…) or just goofed for no reason other than I have a massive tendency to add two plus two and walk off with five. Under no circumstances should something I say in the context of this blog lead you to believe I have anything resembling the first clue, or indeed, gravitas. One of the few things going in my favour is I know I don’t know (although I do sometimes find it funny to speak confidently as if I did).

If I find myself courting controversy again, I want it to be because – dash it all – I like microwaving cereal. There, I’ve said it.

And, kitchen CSI aside, I’m quite the fan of my current household.

Cheers m’dears.